The phone rang and I was busy finishing up a project at work. It was a late afternoon a couple of weeks ago and I was on deadline.
My coworker answered the call and put the caller on hold. He turned to me and said, "It's for you."
"Thanks," I said.
I picked up the phone expecting to hear from another coworker and it turns out it was someone verifying my background for a job that I applied for. He mentioned that he had to speak to me further about some issues that came up and I asked what it was about. (I totally hate being kept in the dark about "issues.")
During the background investigation process, I had mentioned that I was at one point under investigation due to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. The background investigator said that he had some questions about this. "Great," I thought.
I remember my heart racing and thinking, "WTF?" Here, I am a Marine with an honorable discharge and yet, I have to explain this investigation.
About a week later, I found myself sitting across from the investigator, who was quite gracious and polite. And it was here that I found myself, coming out all over again. Yes, I served honorably and have the paperwork to back this up. But there was concern over this investigation. Was it ongoing?
There is a lot of misunderstanding and ignorance about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Yes, it applies to everyone in the military, even those in the Individual Ready Reserve (IRR)... Well, it applies if the military cares to pursue you. The reality is this policy is selectively enforced. Sometimes commanders are by the book or have their own prejudices and enforce this policy. But quite a few times, you get commanders who are more interested in getting the mission accomplished than enforcing a policy that weeds out often times quite valuable members of their unit.
As I sat across from the investigator, I found myself explaining the basics of this policy. The DADT policy allows for a select group of people to be discriminated against. The very act of speaking, which is protected in our bill of rights, is not allowed. Keep quiet. Pretend. Ignore. Hide. Turn away.
Silence.
By not speaking, by not making a stand, we allow this insidious policy live. We are a nation that was founded on the priniciples that "All men were created equal." And yet, here we are in 2009, in the present, with a policy that says that all men are created equal except for if you are LGBT.
This is a fight that requires a united front - gay, straight, liberal, conservative and every one else who believes in civil rights and equality. As I sat trying to explain my decisions and actions, I found myself reflecting on why I decided to speak.
As a Marine, we speak of Honor, Courage and Commitment. These are not just words, but a way of life. There is no honor in allowing a discriminatory policy to continue to eviscerate and weaken our military by taking away qualified servicemembers or keeping qualified applicants out. There is no courage in staying silent and watching your fellow Marines, soldiers, sailors, airmen and coast guardsmen being forced out for just being, who they are or loving who they love. And there is no commitment to our very Constitution when we allow a policy like this to continue to exist.
Yes, I decided to speak for myself and for those who could not speak for themselves. I decided to speak because I believe in what this country stands for and would willing die for what this country stands for.
And for these reasons, it is worth the craziness and stress that comes with coming out again.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Act of Telling
The sand was powdery and fine. It got into everything and I was still trying to get use to the dusty grounds of Camp Falluja.
Four years ago in March 2005, I was on the ground in Iraq surrounded by Marines. I found myself working with Marines I use to work with while I was on active-duty from 1999 to 2003. And during that time, some people whom I never TOLD, actually knew that I was gay.
Perhaps, its easy for Marines to assume that a single, female Marine, who isn't married or has a visible boyfriend is either a "dyke, a bitch or a whore."
While I served on active-duty, I was extremely cautious who I told. I confided in people, who were close friends. But not all of them. The Act of Telling was a tricky art, especially for me. Marine officers are taught to live and breathe Esprit de Corps and the creed "Honor, Courage and Commitment."
And some officers are by the book....and some are not. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a policy, voted into law by Congress. And it was there in black and white. An insidious gag order that basically forced people to hide a large part of themselves -- who they are and love.
For me, it was hard not to be sky-lined, despite by short stature. In a service where only 6 percent of the total Marine Corps were women, I also happened to be one of the few Korean-American officers. And lucky for me, I was in one of the smallest military occupational specialties.
So, I only told a handful of my friends. I found that I couldn't be myself. I couldn't really relax until I could share with my friends my personal life. Every time, I told someone, I held my breath. I didn't know how they would react. I only knew that I was putting a great amount of trust in my friends. The Act of Telling was in many ways a test of faith - in myself and in my friends.
It was Father's Day at Camp Blue Diamond in Ramada. I hadn't called home at all since my unit left Camp Lejeune for Iraq. My old friend and colleague offered me the use of his "SAT" phone. He told me, "Hey you should call home. But remember that people monitor the frequencies." That was his way of saying, "I know." I remember thanking him and feeling a weight kind of hit me. I never told him, but he knew. And I never felt that I could tell him. But he was trying to protect me.
It seems like such a simple task - just speaking what is true. But it isn't. And yet the Act of Telling is the right thing to do. The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will not be won by the ones who are silent, but supportive. However, they certainly have helped with volunteering their time and their funding.
The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be won by those who can tell and reach out to a broad-base of people. This fight is about military readiness and equality. The arguments have been stated over and over again, but ultimately is starts with the Act of Telling.
Four years ago in March 2005, I was on the ground in Iraq surrounded by Marines. I found myself working with Marines I use to work with while I was on active-duty from 1999 to 2003. And during that time, some people whom I never TOLD, actually knew that I was gay.
Perhaps, its easy for Marines to assume that a single, female Marine, who isn't married or has a visible boyfriend is either a "dyke, a bitch or a whore."
While I served on active-duty, I was extremely cautious who I told. I confided in people, who were close friends. But not all of them. The Act of Telling was a tricky art, especially for me. Marine officers are taught to live and breathe Esprit de Corps and the creed "Honor, Courage and Commitment."
And some officers are by the book....and some are not. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a policy, voted into law by Congress. And it was there in black and white. An insidious gag order that basically forced people to hide a large part of themselves -- who they are and love.
For me, it was hard not to be sky-lined, despite by short stature. In a service where only 6 percent of the total Marine Corps were women, I also happened to be one of the few Korean-American officers. And lucky for me, I was in one of the smallest military occupational specialties.
So, I only told a handful of my friends. I found that I couldn't be myself. I couldn't really relax until I could share with my friends my personal life. Every time, I told someone, I held my breath. I didn't know how they would react. I only knew that I was putting a great amount of trust in my friends. The Act of Telling was in many ways a test of faith - in myself and in my friends.
It was Father's Day at Camp Blue Diamond in Ramada. I hadn't called home at all since my unit left Camp Lejeune for Iraq. My old friend and colleague offered me the use of his "SAT" phone. He told me, "Hey you should call home. But remember that people monitor the frequencies." That was his way of saying, "I know." I remember thanking him and feeling a weight kind of hit me. I never told him, but he knew. And I never felt that I could tell him. But he was trying to protect me.
It seems like such a simple task - just speaking what is true. But it isn't. And yet the Act of Telling is the right thing to do. The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will not be won by the ones who are silent, but supportive. However, they certainly have helped with volunteering their time and their funding.
The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be won by those who can tell and reach out to a broad-base of people. This fight is about military readiness and equality. The arguments have been stated over and over again, but ultimately is starts with the Act of Telling.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Conduct Unbecoming: Women and Don't Ask, Don't Tell
Article 133 of the Uniform Code of Military Justice reads:
The first time I picked up Randy Shilt's book Conduct Unbecoming I was a 2nd Lieutenant stationed at Quantico, VA. I was a member of third platoon ("third herd") of Bravo Company in 2000. Occasionally I would go up to Washington DC to escape to Dupont Circle with some friends. And I remember going to Kramer's Bookstore and picking up Shilt's book.
I skimmed through the book and put it back on the shelf. I wanted to buy it, but I didn't. Later, I did buy the book, but it was after I decided to leave active-duty to go to graduate school in 2003 at a Different Light Bookstore in West Hollywood.
Conduct Unbecoming chronicled the history of gays in the military prior to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. And what I found especially fascinating were the stories of female Marines at Parris Island, SC in the early 1980s. This was a period of time dubbed the "Witch hunts" and as a lieutenant at Parris Island in 2001 to 2003, the impact of those times are still felt.
I remember receiving my orders to report to the headquarters of 6th Marine Corps District at Parris Island, SC in the fall of 2001. Everyone at the III Marine Expeditionary Force Public Affairs Office wanted to know where I was going and the instant I told some of the other Marines they warned me to be careful of 4th Battalion and "those" women. It sure was nice of those Marines to try to protect me from "those women."
When the Witch hunts of the early 80s were over, the Marine Corps official discharged approximately 23 women for homosexual conduct. In reality, many women, especially staff non-commissioned officer and officers, were forced to resign and their numbers are not reflected in the "23." When all was said and done, the casualties of this "hunt" numbered closer to 65. The most disturbing thing about this time period was that service members were actually being placed in military prison for violating article 133, Conduct Unbecoming.
So, when I first drove onto the Island in my tiny green Honda Civic, I was petrified. I didn't want to be another casualty of a witch hunt. I just wanted to be a good Marine officer, take care of my Marines and get the job done.
Here is a statement of fact:
While women comprise 15% of military personnel, they account for 30% of discharges under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Conduct unbecoming an officer and a gentleman is an offense subject to court martial defined in the punitive code of the United States Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ).
The elements are
- That the accused did or omitted to do certain acts; and
- That, in the circumstances, these acts or omissions constituted conduct unbecoming an officer and gentleman.
The first time I picked up Randy Shilt's book Conduct Unbecoming I was a 2nd Lieutenant stationed at Quantico, VA. I was a member of third platoon ("third herd") of Bravo Company in 2000. Occasionally I would go up to Washington DC to escape to Dupont Circle with some friends. And I remember going to Kramer's Bookstore and picking up Shilt's book.
I skimmed through the book and put it back on the shelf. I wanted to buy it, but I didn't. Later, I did buy the book, but it was after I decided to leave active-duty to go to graduate school in 2003 at a Different Light Bookstore in West Hollywood.
Conduct Unbecoming chronicled the history of gays in the military prior to Don't Ask, Don't Tell. And what I found especially fascinating were the stories of female Marines at Parris Island, SC in the early 1980s. This was a period of time dubbed the "Witch hunts" and as a lieutenant at Parris Island in 2001 to 2003, the impact of those times are still felt.
I remember receiving my orders to report to the headquarters of 6th Marine Corps District at Parris Island, SC in the fall of 2001. Everyone at the III Marine Expeditionary Force Public Affairs Office wanted to know where I was going and the instant I told some of the other Marines they warned me to be careful of 4th Battalion and "those" women. It sure was nice of those Marines to try to protect me from "those women."
When the Witch hunts of the early 80s were over, the Marine Corps official discharged approximately 23 women for homosexual conduct. In reality, many women, especially staff non-commissioned officer and officers, were forced to resign and their numbers are not reflected in the "23." When all was said and done, the casualties of this "hunt" numbered closer to 65. The most disturbing thing about this time period was that service members were actually being placed in military prison for violating article 133, Conduct Unbecoming.
So, when I first drove onto the Island in my tiny green Honda Civic, I was petrified. I didn't want to be another casualty of a witch hunt. I just wanted to be a good Marine officer, take care of my Marines and get the job done.
Here is a statement of fact:
While women comprise 15% of military personnel, they account for 30% of discharges under “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.”
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Hey you, this is me...
I learned how to use the PRC-119 in a class at The Basic School in Quantico, VA (the Crossroads of the Marine Corps) back in 2000. And I remember one of the motivated sergeants say, "Hey you, this is me...." And so, this entry is a little intro about who I am and where I came from.
Currently, I am a Los Angeles Police Officer. I graduated at the top of my class in Feb 2007 and am currently patrolling the streets of LA. I am a Marine, news junkie, public servant, Bruin, hiker, biker and sometimes skateboarder....and fighter against social injustice.
I am a Marine. But I didn't always start out that way. I was born in Los Angeles and raised in the OC. After I graduated from UCLA, I attended Officer Candidate School. I graduated second in my platoon and was commissioned a 2nd LT in December of 1999.
I served on active duty from 1999 to 2003 and I was a Public Affairs Officer. My job was to tell the Marine Corps story to the public. And I loved it. It was an honor to be both a leader of Marines and a spokesperson for the Nation’s 911 force. I got to see so many different aspects of the Marine Corps and then share it with others. It was an awesome job and I had a great time.
When I first joined the Marine Corps, I was well-aware of the Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell policy. And I believed that all that mattered was that I would be the best Marine I could be and I didn’t need a personal life. And it’s funny how life doesn’t quite work that way.
My Marines would often talk about their significant others and I would be the boring lieutenant, who was a workaholic. While I was deployed to Iraq in 2005, I bumped into an officer in Ramadi, who told me, “You were the best lieutenant I ever had.” Go figure that.
I left active duty in 2003 to go to graduate school and to escape the stress of living under Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I somehow managed to get admitted to Columbia University's Graduate School of Journalism and earned a MS degree. But then something interesting happened, in 2004, I was activated to go join the 5th Civil Affairs Group to go to Falluja and Ramadi Iraq.
Currently, I am a Los Angeles Police Officer. I graduated at the top of my class in Feb 2007 and am currently patrolling the streets of LA. I am a Marine, news junkie, public servant, Bruin, hiker, biker and sometimes skateboarder....and fighter against social injustice.
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