The phone rang and I was busy finishing up a project at work. It was a late afternoon a couple of weeks ago and I was on deadline.
My coworker answered the call and put the caller on hold. He turned to me and said, "It's for you."
"Thanks," I said.
I picked up the phone expecting to hear from another coworker and it turns out it was someone verifying my background for a job that I applied for. He mentioned that he had to speak to me further about some issues that came up and I asked what it was about. (I totally hate being kept in the dark about "issues.")
During the background investigation process, I had mentioned that I was at one point under investigation due to the Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy. The background investigator said that he had some questions about this. "Great," I thought.
I remember my heart racing and thinking, "WTF?" Here, I am a Marine with an honorable discharge and yet, I have to explain this investigation.
About a week later, I found myself sitting across from the investigator, who was quite gracious and polite. And it was here that I found myself, coming out all over again. Yes, I served honorably and have the paperwork to back this up. But there was concern over this investigation. Was it ongoing?
There is a lot of misunderstanding and ignorance about the Don't Ask, Don't Tell policy. Yes, it applies to everyone in the military, even those in the Individual Ready Reserve (IRR)... Well, it applies if the military cares to pursue you. The reality is this policy is selectively enforced. Sometimes commanders are by the book or have their own prejudices and enforce this policy. But quite a few times, you get commanders who are more interested in getting the mission accomplished than enforcing a policy that weeds out often times quite valuable members of their unit.
As I sat across from the investigator, I found myself explaining the basics of this policy. The DADT policy allows for a select group of people to be discriminated against. The very act of speaking, which is protected in our bill of rights, is not allowed. Keep quiet. Pretend. Ignore. Hide. Turn away.
Silence.
By not speaking, by not making a stand, we allow this insidious policy live. We are a nation that was founded on the priniciples that "All men were created equal." And yet, here we are in 2009, in the present, with a policy that says that all men are created equal except for if you are LGBT.
This is a fight that requires a united front - gay, straight, liberal, conservative and every one else who believes in civil rights and equality. As I sat trying to explain my decisions and actions, I found myself reflecting on why I decided to speak.
As a Marine, we speak of Honor, Courage and Commitment. These are not just words, but a way of life. There is no honor in allowing a discriminatory policy to continue to eviscerate and weaken our military by taking away qualified servicemembers or keeping qualified applicants out. There is no courage in staying silent and watching your fellow Marines, soldiers, sailors, airmen and coast guardsmen being forced out for just being, who they are or loving who they love. And there is no commitment to our very Constitution when we allow a policy like this to continue to exist.
Yes, I decided to speak for myself and for those who could not speak for themselves. I decided to speak because I believe in what this country stands for and would willing die for what this country stands for.
And for these reasons, it is worth the craziness and stress that comes with coming out again.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Friday, March 20, 2009
The Act of Telling
The sand was powdery and fine. It got into everything and I was still trying to get use to the dusty grounds of Camp Falluja.
Four years ago in March 2005, I was on the ground in Iraq surrounded by Marines. I found myself working with Marines I use to work with while I was on active-duty from 1999 to 2003. And during that time, some people whom I never TOLD, actually knew that I was gay.
Perhaps, its easy for Marines to assume that a single, female Marine, who isn't married or has a visible boyfriend is either a "dyke, a bitch or a whore."
While I served on active-duty, I was extremely cautious who I told. I confided in people, who were close friends. But not all of them. The Act of Telling was a tricky art, especially for me. Marine officers are taught to live and breathe Esprit de Corps and the creed "Honor, Courage and Commitment."
And some officers are by the book....and some are not. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a policy, voted into law by Congress. And it was there in black and white. An insidious gag order that basically forced people to hide a large part of themselves -- who they are and love.
For me, it was hard not to be sky-lined, despite by short stature. In a service where only 6 percent of the total Marine Corps were women, I also happened to be one of the few Korean-American officers. And lucky for me, I was in one of the smallest military occupational specialties.
So, I only told a handful of my friends. I found that I couldn't be myself. I couldn't really relax until I could share with my friends my personal life. Every time, I told someone, I held my breath. I didn't know how they would react. I only knew that I was putting a great amount of trust in my friends. The Act of Telling was in many ways a test of faith - in myself and in my friends.
It was Father's Day at Camp Blue Diamond in Ramada. I hadn't called home at all since my unit left Camp Lejeune for Iraq. My old friend and colleague offered me the use of his "SAT" phone. He told me, "Hey you should call home. But remember that people monitor the frequencies." That was his way of saying, "I know." I remember thanking him and feeling a weight kind of hit me. I never told him, but he knew. And I never felt that I could tell him. But he was trying to protect me.
It seems like such a simple task - just speaking what is true. But it isn't. And yet the Act of Telling is the right thing to do. The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will not be won by the ones who are silent, but supportive. However, they certainly have helped with volunteering their time and their funding.
The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be won by those who can tell and reach out to a broad-base of people. This fight is about military readiness and equality. The arguments have been stated over and over again, but ultimately is starts with the Act of Telling.
Four years ago in March 2005, I was on the ground in Iraq surrounded by Marines. I found myself working with Marines I use to work with while I was on active-duty from 1999 to 2003. And during that time, some people whom I never TOLD, actually knew that I was gay.
Perhaps, its easy for Marines to assume that a single, female Marine, who isn't married or has a visible boyfriend is either a "dyke, a bitch or a whore."
While I served on active-duty, I was extremely cautious who I told. I confided in people, who were close friends. But not all of them. The Act of Telling was a tricky art, especially for me. Marine officers are taught to live and breathe Esprit de Corps and the creed "Honor, Courage and Commitment."
And some officers are by the book....and some are not. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a policy, voted into law by Congress. And it was there in black and white. An insidious gag order that basically forced people to hide a large part of themselves -- who they are and love.
For me, it was hard not to be sky-lined, despite by short stature. In a service where only 6 percent of the total Marine Corps were women, I also happened to be one of the few Korean-American officers. And lucky for me, I was in one of the smallest military occupational specialties.
So, I only told a handful of my friends. I found that I couldn't be myself. I couldn't really relax until I could share with my friends my personal life. Every time, I told someone, I held my breath. I didn't know how they would react. I only knew that I was putting a great amount of trust in my friends. The Act of Telling was in many ways a test of faith - in myself and in my friends.
It was Father's Day at Camp Blue Diamond in Ramada. I hadn't called home at all since my unit left Camp Lejeune for Iraq. My old friend and colleague offered me the use of his "SAT" phone. He told me, "Hey you should call home. But remember that people monitor the frequencies." That was his way of saying, "I know." I remember thanking him and feeling a weight kind of hit me. I never told him, but he knew. And I never felt that I could tell him. But he was trying to protect me.
It seems like such a simple task - just speaking what is true. But it isn't. And yet the Act of Telling is the right thing to do. The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will not be won by the ones who are silent, but supportive. However, they certainly have helped with volunteering their time and their funding.
The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be won by those who can tell and reach out to a broad-base of people. This fight is about military readiness and equality. The arguments have been stated over and over again, but ultimately is starts with the Act of Telling.
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