The Act of Telling

The sand was powdery and fine. It got into everything and I was still trying to get use to the dusty grounds of Camp Falluja.

Four years ago in March 2005, I was on the ground in Iraq surrounded by Marines. I found myself working with Marines I use to work with while I was on active-duty from 1999 to 2003. And during that time, some people whom I never TOLD, actually knew that I was gay.

Perhaps, its easy for Marines to assume that a single, female Marine, who isn't married or has a visible boyfriend is either a "dyke, a bitch or a whore."

While I served on active-duty, I was extremely cautious who I told. I confided in people, who were close friends. But not all of them. The Act of Telling was a tricky art, especially for me. Marine officers are taught to live and breathe Esprit de Corps and the creed "Honor, Courage and Commitment."

And some officers are by the book....and some are not. Don't Ask, Don't Tell was a policy, voted into law by Congress. And it was there in black and white. An insidious gag order that basically forced people to hide a large part of themselves -- who they are and love.

For me, it was hard not to be sky-lined, despite by short stature. In a service where only 6 percent of the total Marine Corps were women, I also happened to be one of the few Korean-American officers. And lucky for me, I was in one of the smallest military occupational specialties.

So, I only told a handful of my friends. I found that I couldn't be myself. I couldn't really relax until I could share with my friends my personal life. Every time, I told someone, I held my breath. I didn't know how they would react. I only knew that I was putting a great amount of trust in my friends. The Act of Telling was in many ways a test of faith - in myself and in my friends.

It was Father's Day at Camp Blue Diamond in Ramada. I hadn't called home at all since my unit left Camp Lejeune for Iraq. My old friend and colleague offered me the use of his "SAT" phone. He told me, "Hey you should call home. But remember that people monitor the frequencies." That was his way of saying, "I know." I remember thanking him and feeling a weight kind of hit me. I never told him, but he knew. And I never felt that I could tell him. But he was trying to protect me.

It seems like such a simple task - just speaking what is true. But it isn't. And yet the Act of Telling is the right thing to do. The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will not be won by the ones who are silent, but supportive. However, they certainly have helped with volunteering their time and their funding.

The fight to end Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be won by those who can tell and reach out to a broad-base of people. This fight is about military readiness and equality. The arguments have been stated over and over again, but ultimately is starts with the Act of Telling.